How Rude!

“Are you pregnant?” to the large man at the door.  “Why don’t you have a husband yet?” to the single woman in our neighborhood.  “Nobody likes you,” to the boy down the street.  “Why do you like to fight with my Dad?” to my husband’s boss.  “You need to go to church or you’ll go to hell,” to the kids in the carpool.  “You stink. You need to take a shower,” to the boy at school.  These are all things my daughter, MG, has unabashedly told other people, oblivious that these things might be hurtful or embarassing.  Talking too loud, lying down on the grocery store floor, answering the door naked, shouting out at church, lifting up her dress or shirt,  approaching strangers, indiscriminately sharing personal information are examples of my daughter’s apparent disregard for social norms and expectations.
    When MG was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, the psychologist said that autism can be partially described as a social learning disability.  I liked this explanation.  The body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice that the rest of us use to determine how to act or what to say are confusing or indecipherable to kids on the autism spectrum.  Many of us pick up on social cues within seconds and many social norms are intuitive, but these things need to be taught and practiced for kids on the spectrum and even then it’s still a struggle.  They have to work twice as hard to make sense of the myriad “social data” coming into their brains.
    There is an up side to this.  The same traits that make my daughter socially awkward make it easy for her to accept other people.  She might notice other people’s differences, but she doesn’t make judgments about them.  The down syndrome girl, the teenage boy, the girl in the wheelchair, the stoic old man, the four year old girl are all her friends and she unknowingly breaks social barriers to interact with them.  People who the rest of us might try to avoid or who we don't know how to approach, she will enthusiastically engage.  She’ll talk to anyone or play with anyone who is willing. She also seems immune from the anxiety that plagues so many of us regarding how we appear to others.  She is not paralyzed by thoughts about clothes, body image, hair, impressing others, or being the best.  Her authenticity is refreshing....Maybe we could all use a little social disability.